been there and gone tomorrow
by doroniasobi
Summary: through the nights, Nunnally hallucinates. — Nunnally


**A/N: first code geass fic! and also, first fic in which nothing is capitalized. :] it started out okay, and then i kind of lost inspiration, a bit. so sorry if it comes out a bit weirded "XD enjoooy~**

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through the nights, nunnally hallucinates. opens her eyes, lets her hair caress her shoulders as she sits up in bed, and looks out the window, stares at the moon, the stars, the flickering lights below.

"brother?"

there is never a response. merely a small howl of the wind, silk sheets rumpling under her fingers and the small feeling of bitterness trapped in her throat. and still, she listens. for the smooth tone of voice that had once been able to lull her to sleep. for the chuckle he always made when she called on him.

"brother, are you there?"

the first few nights had been hard. had been hard trying to listen for his response, had been hard staring at the lone, empty chair sitting by her bed without thinking of him—had been so, so immensely hard to forget that for the very first time, she felt so, so alone, like the atmosphere reeked of cold and dead.

"...you're not there, are you?"

nothing.

she chuckles quietly into the silence. "i'm sorry," she whispers. "i'm so, so sorry."

"nunnally?"

a tap at the door, and suzaku is there, kneeling at her bed and taking her hand in his. she squeezes it; it brings little comfort, so she does it again.

"you've been talking to yourself again," he says to her. "i could hear you from the next room. can i do anything? do you need me to stay until you fall back asleep?"

it's endearing; nunnally knows. but sometimes, when suzaku is around, the atmosphere is too stiff, too suffocating, like she would prefer the dead kind of atmosphere to the one that made everything quiet and muffled.

so she rejects him politely. "no, it's fine," she says. "i was just doing a little bit of thinking out loud again is all. no need to worry, suzaku-i will be fine in the morning."

suzaku looks at her. nunnally doesn't like that very much either—like he's trying to figure her out, like he's probing through her thoughts and trying to grasp at what understanding of the world she had left. and she didn't think she would take it very well if he was to step all over that.

"are you sure?" he asks finally.

nunnally closes her eyes. squeezes his hand once more, as though willing for everything to be alright.

"yes," she says finally. this time, suzaku squeezes back, and nunnally can feel warmth—the same kind of warmth that reminded her of lelouch, of the kindness he showed her, to no one but her. it made her feel special.

in the end, it was still about his warmth. through the mask of zero, it had been his plan all along, to break through the entwined threads of fate and to create something new for the world—for her—with his own hands. it had never been about truly destroying anything. it hadn't, really. because he was only trying to change things for the better. no one knew what he was doing, and in return, he never revealed it until the very, very end.

but it was because lelouch was so selfless that the end resulted in his death. it was also because of nunnally herself, of her existence, that had led to the very unfortunate events.

and in doing so, he'd made nunnally despise him. he'd tricked everyone into his schemes. and nunnally knew that she could never truly hate her brother. even if he'd destroyed hundreds. thousands, maybe.

and even so-

"you're so stupid, brother."

suzaku looks at her, a familiar gaze in his eyes.

pause.

"so, so stupid. eaten away by your desires by this new world you wanted to create."

she looks back outside. stares at the flickering lights. at the moon, the stars, feeling the silk under her fingers.

suzaku stands up from his position. "good night, nunnally," he says softly, his smile reaching his eyes.

nunnally smiles back. just because. "good night to you too, suzaku." she watches him leave her room and listens to his footsteps padding down the hallway. her eyes move back to the sky outside.

and in only a few seconds, the window is open and there is a large gust of wind; nunnally's arms wind around herself and grab at her sheets, eyes closing (because maybe, maybe if her eyes were closed, she'd be able to feel his hand in hers again, be able to find that warmth that had hidden itself away somewhere, to a place that she couldn't reach).

"i love you, brother."

for a second there, the warmth did come back, rushing through the wind and the gust and the small creaking noise of the window.

and so through her doubts, nunnally smiled.

* * *

_Owari_

_2010.12.11_


End file.
